Friday, February 3, 2012

the big bang

Entering the frame of quantum mind, letting it all exist side by side, swirling about inside the brain and out. Each twinkling a birth of sorts, spark alive, snuffed to death and so on and so on, no end, no begin just a circle spattering of galaxy existing all at once and not at all. I understand it, the constant motion of thought, the fingers shooting off in a thousand different directions, starbursts of grandiosity. So many roads to travel, so many possibilities to explore, so where do I go? How do I map this? How do I turn the map sideways, set it on the floor, walk around it and view it from the other side? I see it, the dark matter splattered across the blinding white screen, the next dimension unraveling, weaving a new tale, an epic saga playing out on the inside of my eyelids. I SEE IT. I can’t help that it blinds you. I can’t say that I’m sorry that it does either. I rather enjoy being one of the few gifted with sight. It’s not nice to say but it’s true and truth matters more now. I spent a long time struggling with this gift of sight and the aloneness that accompanies it. I still struggle at times although it is less frequent since I corrected the path. I now have an unobstructed view that comforts me and the view is that of possibility, the truth, the rightness of direction. I will eventually walk out of your view, out of your conceptual grasp. You can only still see me because I currently exist in both of our worlds. I will leave yours, I promise. And the moment I step off, it will drop from orbit tumbling into oblivion like a crumpled piece of paper tossed away in a motion of letting go, a moment of giving up. My mind is on fire at the thought. To see only dust in my wake excites me from the underside and there is fire there too. Passion burns in me, turns me inside out and back again. It abuses me, takes liberties weaker women couldn’t entertain but I am not weak I only appear that way to the small of mind. My perceived weaknesses are my power. I can break open again and again and again and rebuild from the tiniest remnants. I only need one cell to rise from the ash. So go ahead and swing your hammers and bats, strip the flesh from my useless bones. Claw out my eyes if you wish, I cannot be blinded because I SEE. But the bigger truth is I am beyond your grasp.

*disclaimer ~ In order to ease the discomfort my truth seems to inspire in those that populate my daily grind I offer a more palatable yet distinctly small version of myself. Inevitably this small pressurized incarnation occasionally pushes back.


  1. psssst ... you're not as alone as you might first-think ...

    this is gorgeous and gutteral, exquisitely raw and, i feel, wrenchingly honest ...

    you have such talent in your writing, you are so gifted, you are you are you are

    it’s true and truth matters more now

  2. you, my friend, my other are the gifted one...even your comments are poetry

    from half way around the world I feel your soul

    thank you